The Mental Edge: In uncertain times, control what you can control

Editor’s note: This column appears in the April issue of New England Lacrosse Journal.

As I write this, I’m presently aware of how when you read these words, the state of New England, our country and the world will be new and different beyond what I can predict and foretell.

With this knowledge, I only create strain and struggle for myself in attempting to predict and change this fact. Instead, I focus on accepting that I have no control and look to lean in with an open heart, and lead with my intuition and gut wisdom on how to best respond.

So, for this issue, I am called to share this Zen story:

There is a story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. “Such bad luck,” they said sympathetically.

“Maybe,” said the farmer

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaimed.

“Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune.

“Maybe,” answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son’s leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out.

“Maybe,” said the farmer.

In every major event there is both opportunity and challenge. Many athletes right now already know they’ll have no season this year. No games, no practices, no access to gyms. The change is here, and we cannot change that fact.

What we do have control over is how we choose to respond.

Could this be a chance to pause — to reflect — to see things with a new perspective? It may be of help to reflect on a few of these questions:

What challenges does this change create for us?

How might we respond to those challenges in a helpful way?

What opportunities does this change create for us?

How might we use these opportunities in a helpful way?

I would argue that there are no objective good or bad events in our lives. Lacrosse is full of ups and downs as well. There are wins and losses, calls that go our way and calls that don’t, and plays that get made and plays that fall apart.

With the knowledge that the pendulum will always continue to swing back and forth, can we look to respond with balance and wisdom, as opposed to trying to fight where the pendulum is swinging?

When we can put down the desire to control, we give ourselves the opportunity to instead focus our efforts on how we respond and go with the flow, as opposed to devoting our attention and energy to swimming against the current.

With all that said, I don’t want to discount how much difficulty we all face right now. If anyone would like support (athletes, parents, coaches, etc.), please reach out to me at [email protected] and I will meet with anyone virtually and/or will help to find and access other resources free of charge.

Let us use this as an opportunity to build community and support each other as best we can. Nothing would give me greater purpose and meaning than to play my part in that process.

Landon DuMar is the Mental Performance Coach at RPM Athlete Performance in Natick, Mass. He currently is pursuing a master’s degree in athletic counseling at Springfield College and has experience working with a variety of collegiate and youth athletes, coaches and trainers on the mental aspects of sport and performance that focuses on flow, mindfulness, expertise and positive psychology. His background in counseling psychology and extensive experience working in youth mental health programming informs his holistic approach to health, wellness, and well-being. Learn more at www.rpmathlete.com.